Loren: My (not so anymore) secret wish.

In a world of stick thin blondes, elegant redheads and waif like brunettes - the idea of physical beauty is varied and based on ideals, rather than realistic functionality. That being said, I am very much one who is heavily influenced by it, to the point of....being annoying. Being aware of something does not necessarily mean that you are effective against its allure....it just means that you're even sillier than those who aren't conscious of the forces behind the choices they make.

I've been given my fair share of compliments some by the people who look at me through love-goggles, some by nice people, some by strangers, some by weirdos. Its all nice, of course, though I chafe at quite a few of them, guffaw at several and snort in disagreement at most of them....but to date, no one has given me the compliment I deem the highest.

"Your imperfections and flaws come together to form an honest beauty that is unique and unforgettable."

Sounds strange? Which is probably why I'll never hear it from anyone. But I like it, because it indicates that the viewer sees your flaws, instead of whitewashing them, and sees your face as your own, an individual. And makes you memorable. How many run-of-the-mill pretty asian girls do I know, whose features just kind of blend into each other to form one blob?

I can't even remember, which further proves my point.

The one actress that I know of, who fits the compliment above to perfect imperfection, is the daughter of Jane Birkin, Charlotte Gainsbourgh.

She isn't classically pretty, nor is she girl-next-door cute. If she had to be the girl-next-door, she'd be more of the the girl-next-provincial-farm. She has that special Parisian air, you know the kind where their hair always looks sexily tousled, and though without a trace of makeup, they can look unbearably smouldering dressed in a man's shirt and jeans? There is a slight androgyny, almost drag queen quality to her, long limbs, large hands. Her features are individually strong - large eyes, large nose, wide mouth - and place them on an angular face, and though you expect them to clash, they accent each other well to form an unforgettable face. Or, at least, to me.

(scans by diorettescans.blogspot.com, photographed by Jean-Baptiste Mondino for French ELLE Nov 2007)

Ah, one day, to look like that...at ease within my own skin, and embracing every imperfection for what it is and not wishing it to be something else.

Someday.

Loren: Sometimes all you can do is hum, and click.

Although my parents have left, there still remains traces of their presence around my house. A stack of tupperware, loads of bread and chocolate, and bottles of health supplements scattered in the corners which would make an unknowing guest believe that we are either health junkies or we have a-paranoid-mother-who-is-a-health-junkie.

And of course, lets not forget the layers of flesh that has been stripped from my body and shoved under my bed to rot. Another sign of my parents visit. Very, "Hey, kids, how have you been? I bought a new skinning knife! Let's test it!" feeling to it. Well, I jest. Kind of. My mom did nitpick me to the bone, but I had to keep reminding myself that she only means well (in a warped way) and since I don't return to Singapore for her to nitpick at her own leisurely pace, she has to do it in an intense concentrated form that is probably tiring to her as well.

"Loren, why are you making your face like that?"
"Loren, dont do that with your mouth/eyes/hands/legs/feet/tongue/eyebrow

s/nose."
"Loren, dont touch your face!"
"Loren, why is your hair like that?"
"Loren, why are you dressed like that?"
"Loren, don't walk like that."
"Loren, don't stand like that."
"Loren, don't talk like that, its annoying."
"Loren, dont use that pitch!"
"Loren, stop sighing."
"Loren, eat/stop eating!"

The last one is kind of funny. On the whole, the one good thing that my parents told me, is that I have lost a lot of weight. Even my Dad, who deems calling me F-A-T repeatedly as a form of affection (warped, again), asked my mother why I lost so much weight. Woot. So my mom is now half convinced that I have an eating disorder because I rarely eat/drink bread/sugar/pastries/caffeinated drinks, and yet at the same time, she snapped the box shut when I tried to reach for my second quarter piece of a doughnut. Yeah. A quarter piece, not the whole ring.

Oh well. Mothers.

Between thinking about how would I go about tearing my ears and eyes out with optimum efficiency (and then finding the cleaning supplies to clean up the mess), and fretting about whether I had the same bad traits as my parents, I distracted myself by doing a little bargain shopping on the side.

I think, and Tilly would probably agree with me on this, that one of the reasons why this blog has been a tad sluggish is because we haven't been shopping. Heck, I havent shopped since August 2008, and Tilly has only managed to buy new shoes every now and then.....not regularly. And just shoes, not clothes/bags/accessories, just shoes. And we're talking normal shoes, Dr Martens, Converse, homegrown brands like Siren - not Louboutins, Miu Miu or Prada.

So when I finally got to shop a little, I turned to ebay to search for something that I really reallyreally want. I love ebay, and I especially love ebay during the recession. Not only can you source the clothes you love but didnt managed to get from previous seasons, but people are selling their most treasured and rare pieces now for lower and more affordable prices. Totally awesome. Only when you have the extra cash.

So what did I get with my extra cash?

(pictures from ebay)

I know I was supposed to steer away from the frilly and the froufrou, basically stuff that makes me look like I stepped out of a cartoon - but that just tells you more about myself than I can in words. My brain says one thing, and my heart says something else. Or should I say my right forefinger has a mind of its own? Frills? Click. Stripes? Click. Poofy? Click.

To be fair, the items I bought are items from previous seasons that I have wanted, for a really long time. And I managed to procure them at much lower prices than I had expected. So...yay me.

Darn it, I feel so defensive about my bargain purchases. Must be leftover Chinese-Mother guilt.

What can I say? The woman is good at what she does.

Loren: Oh, oh, oh. (I die.)

Balenciaga Resort 2010

Everything, everything, everything.

The ruffles, the clash, the off kilter, the tongue in cheek, the slight silliness - all brought in with sharp silhouettes, tight shapes.

Absolutely need specifics?

THE SHOES.

Loren: if my outfit had an expression...it would be "?!".

One day, Girl wakes up with a simple opening of her eyes. No gentle stirring, no drowsy lingering in a dream half forgotten. Mechanical, is the word that appears in her mind as she swings her legs off the bed to sink her toes into the faded gray carpet. She opens her wardrobe, and a taste very akin to distaste spreads across her tongue at the sight of so much girliness spilling out of the cupboard. The colors are too vibrant, prints too vivid. Too in your face.

Where are her laidback clothes? The ones that don't fit in strawberry cupcake land, that don't draw attention upon first sight? At the back of her closet, there they were. Shredded jeans from Stolen Girlfriends Club, that had to be worn with a Alexander Wang corset and a Rag & Bone waistcoat for sensibility. It was winter, after all. She knew it was a little wrong (blue, black and gray?) but her fingers reached for the cannily cut gray fleece jacket by My Pet Square. It covered her in layers, from her chin to her shoulders, even extra cover for her shoulders. If she felt a little more sociable in the day, she would unzip the funnel neck. If not, she would burrow into it and stomp away in her gold Marc Jacobs brogues.

So what if it was not on trend? So what if it wasn't normal? So what if it wasn't her? It fit her frame of mind for the day perfectly.

A little wrong. A little off center. A little offbeat.

A smirk bloomed on her lips. In this peculiar mood, if she wasn't careful, she would not only pick up chain smoking, but would probably shave off half her head and pierce her eyebrow in three different places. If she wasn't careful. One never knows what could happen when a day begins in such a fashion. Pun intended.

On a real note: I am honestly contemplating buying the jeans. They are the best shredded jeans I've seen so far, although a huge part of me is balking because its ON TREND. And I do not buy things because of trends. At least, I am pretty certain that I don't. I have been looking to get a new pair of jeans for a long time, something that has something extra to it, but patterned jeans make my legs look fat, zippered all over jeans make me aware of getting zipper burns, and there is some kind of a "roll-around-in-the-grass" vibe when it comes to shredded jeans. Worst case scenario, I can always buy the jeans and do what I normally do. Wait for the trend to blow over, for everyone to forget about it, and then start wearing it.

And dang, do I want a pair of tacky/kitschy brogues.

Anyhoo, what do you think? Shredded jeans for le Loren. Yah, or nah?

Loren: Concave eyeglasses

I have this friend, lets name her Boni.

Boni and I are similar in height, although I believe she has a few centimetres over my 168cm. We can share most clothes, even though I am a size 8 and she is a size 10. That's because I have bigger boobs and she has small boobs, so we kind of meet in the middle. We can't share shoes though, because she has size 9-10 feet and I am a size 7. Now to be clear, before I dissect her, I am fond of Boni. No hard feelings or jealousy or whatever. This is strictly slice and dice talk.

We've talked about this before, so I know that she agrees with what I am about to say here. Boni has a weird body. She's tall, but she has a short torso, an even shorter waist (honestly, the distance between her ribcage and her hip bone is like...an inch), long legs, really small boobs, flat wide butt, strange muffin lumps on her lower back, big feet with one foot larger than the other. Shopping with her for clothes is more tricky than negotiating with N.Korea for democracy.

Next to her, my proportions are boringly normal.

And yet, I keep feeling that she is skinner than me when I know that she's not. I don't know whether its because my self-perception is warped to that extent, or simply attributed to the way she dresses. Boni tends to wear a lot of short, hip hugging denim skirts and singlets. Thin, form fitting materials that bare flesh. And despite my brain trying to reason out that I dont wear stuff like that because its 6 degrees outside, the truth is that I rarely bare a lot of flesh. I don't think you could call me conservative though. The funny thing is that I can look at a larger sized girl's arms and think/feel nothing, but looking down at my own I feel so disgusted that I quickly grab the nearest jacket/cardigan to cover it up.

Yes, I know, I have a slight body image problem.

I know, its probable that the reason why Boni looks skinny is because of the confidence she exudes. She's comfortable taking long strides in heels, sashaying slightly ala model-on-runway, and I'm more comfortable skittering around in my heels like a bird on crack.

Anyway, when I look at Boni and feel bad about feeling fat next to a girl whom I know has more body issues than I do in reality, I have two instincts erupt simultaneously.

1. Eat.

2. Dont eat.

Usually, I dont eat. But if I were to eat some sugary fattening pastry to feel better about myself I would eat these. At least I would feel fashionable. Of a sort, though not the skinny kind. Oh sigh. Back to feeling bad about myself.

Shot by Therese Aldgard, styled by Lisa Edsalv

(www.highsnobiety.com)

Loren: There is a grace, that gently touches her face

I am not sure whether Tilly has ever mentioned this, or whether this was meant to be kept under wraps, like some hush-hush operation, to be kept in lisps and discreet hand gesturing in dodgy street corners....but, did you know that Tilly has a younger sister?

Since I am uncertain about how much I am supposed to reveal/not reveal, I'll say this much.

She is a female. Pause for effect. Let it sink in, and the horror swell up. Okay, thats it, my lips are sealed.

Silliness aside (no way!), Tilly's sister reminds me of Emma Watson, otherwise affectionately known as Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter phenomenon. I really ought to dedicate a post to her, because she just gets more interesting by the fashion season, and I really cannot wait for her to act/model/open her mouth. I don't usually invest any other kind of interest other than the five second kind, in celebrities because they are kind of blah and hmm and uhuh and doh- to me.

But Emma Watson pinches my interest like the cheek pinches of a slightly annoying uncle whom you only see at family gatherings. She hasn't screwed up in any typical teenage celebrity way, (read: drunken ramblings, rudeness, drugs, romping, car accidents) and as far as I know, the most she has done to stir up (a few) people's ire is to wear a Rodarte blue frock, because they aren't sure if it suits her. Woah. Major scandal.

There is something similar between Tilly's sister and Emma Watson, although they both may not agree, but I see it. Maybe its the fact that they are both young and yet seem older at the same time. Maybe its the fact that they are squeaky clean yet they dont drive me to fling mud at them. Maybe its their features, pretty but not clichéd. Maybe because they both have depth even though people tend to see them as somewhat on the empty side. Maybe because they both surprise me with their growth.

Maybe I am just talking out of my malay butt. What a feat! Please just enjoy the photos from Burberry's latest campaign, an interesting change from using models, although I wish they had chosen male models who didn't make me think of the male characters from Gossip Girl so much.

Burberry Autumn 2009, shot by Mario Testino