I have this friend, lets name her Boni.
Boni and I are similar in height, although I believe she has a few centimetres over my 168cm. We can share most clothes, even though I am a size 8 and she is a size 10. That's because I have bigger boobs and she has small boobs, so we kind of meet in the middle. We can't share shoes though, because she has size 9-10 feet and I am a size 7. Now to be clear, before I dissect her, I am fond of Boni. No hard feelings or jealousy or whatever. This is strictly slice and dice talk.
We've talked about this before, so I know that she agrees with what I am about to say here. Boni has a weird body. She's tall, but she has a short torso, an even shorter waist (honestly, the distance between her ribcage and her hip bone is like...an inch), long legs, really small boobs, flat wide butt, strange muffin lumps on her lower back, big feet with one foot larger than the other. Shopping with her for clothes is more tricky than negotiating with N.Korea for democracy.
Next to her, my proportions are boringly normal.
And yet, I keep feeling that she is skinner than me when I know that she's not. I don't know whether its because my self-perception is warped to that extent, or simply attributed to the way she dresses. Boni tends to wear a lot of short, hip hugging denim skirts and singlets. Thin, form fitting materials that bare flesh. And despite my brain trying to reason out that I dont wear stuff like that because its 6 degrees outside, the truth is that I rarely bare a lot of flesh. I don't think you could call me conservative though. The funny thing is that I can look at a larger sized girl's arms and think/feel nothing, but looking down at my own I feel so disgusted that I quickly grab the nearest jacket/cardigan to cover it up.
Yes, I know, I have a slight body image problem.
I know, its probable that the reason why Boni looks skinny is because of the confidence she exudes. She's comfortable taking long strides in heels, sashaying slightly ala model-on-runway, and I'm more comfortable skittering around in my heels like a bird on crack.
Anyway, when I look at Boni and feel bad about feeling fat next to a girl whom I know has more body issues than I do in reality, I have two instincts erupt simultaneously.
2. Dont eat.
Usually, I dont eat. But if I were to eat some sugary fattening pastry to feel better about myself I would eat these. At least I would feel fashionable. Of a sort, though not the skinny kind. Oh sigh. Back to feeling bad about myself.
Shot by Therese Aldgard, styled by Lisa Edsalv