Loren: Here's looking at you, kiddies

I don't actually swear. A lot. I usually use a variation of the word "frick", like "Frick on a stick!" or "Shit frick.", and its not because I am a "prim and proper" girl. Its because I went through a phase of extreme foul mouth (after living with singaporeans and HK folk) and it distressed Sister Kyssa so much that I had to stop. Sounds silly, isn't it? Usually I can walk all over her, but to see her wince over the vulgarities that slipped from my lips bothered me more than the harshest reprimand.

I must be getting soft in my old age.

I also find it easier for others, if I don't use actual swear words in my daily vocabulary. Easier in the sense for my friends and acquaintances to gauge how upset I really am. Since I rarely use the word "fuck", when I actually do use it, it shows my extreme displeasure with the situation. 

Which is why it always startles me a little when someone uses it casually for minor issues. Like,

"Fuck! We're out of milk!" or "Fucking hell, who would do that in real life?" I immediately have to glance at the speaker's face to see from their expression, whether they are really upset. And to be really honest, I don't like it when girls swear in front of boys. Well, I don't like them swearing, period, but especially in front of boys. Yeah, this is my fuddy duddy side. Keep those legs crossed, a tissue at hand and your foulness tucked behind your teeth, ladies. Chivalry is a barely kicking horse, so tis probably best not to give men the added excuse to be rude to a girl since she swears like a whore at sea.

Still, in the appropriate setting, I love creative swearing. Like the character Ari's swearing rants in the show Entourage, is priceless. 

Ari: You know what other class I took at Harvard? Business ethics. I don’t steal other people’s motherfucking clients. But in YOUR case, I am going to make an exception! I’m going to take everyone! Your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers. When I’m done with you you’ll be repping sideshow freaks. You need jojo the dog faced bitch boy, call Josh Winefuck. The lightweight penstealing fuck face. (Takes a sip of Josh’ drink:) That’s awful.

That's exactly how I'd like to be able to swear when pushed to the point where I can barely control my temper, and the words are bitten off hard with tightly clenched teeth. Ah, wistful sigh. However, I don't think I will get to that point anytime soon because for me, to lose control and vulgarly express anger is to reveal weakness of character. But that's another story altogether.

For all the rest of you who get that happy jolt in your loins from weaving swear words into your daily vocabulary, here's a little inspiration....something you definitely won't see on national television.