Once upon a time, Loren decided to venture out of her house. She had no money, no transportation save for the feet she had been born with, and no idea where she was going. It was a tepid day, the kind of day that warns you to either stay under the bed with a box full of Freddie Surprise, or to be on the continuous move.
So on the move she went, restless spirit, towards misfortune.
Let it be known, that Loren, being of a complicated, neurotic, paranoid, fussy, obsessive compulsive sort - was single. She had allowed a man into her life once, but seeing him teeter unstably out of her life muttering computer jargon under his breath was enough for her to contemplate a life of singledom. Or at the very least, lesbianism.
Walking outside towards the tram stop, a tingle down her spine informed her that she was being followed. Slowing craning her head to her side, she spied a man following her in the distance.
"Well, at least its not one of my imaginary fellows." She reasoned, deciding to continue on her way, and hopefully shake the strange looking fellow off.
As chance would have it, she spied her tram approaching the tram stop and broke into a run to hop onto the tram before she missed it. Safely on the tram, she glanced around to find that the strange man was no longer following her. She had barely settled back into her seat with a sigh of relief, when the another man approached her.
(Comme des garcons)
"Excuse me, miss, do you have a tram ticket? If not, I'll have to ask you to leave." He stated politely.
Loren scratched the end of her nose. "No, I just got on the tram." She looked at his outfit. He had to be the oddest looking plain clothed inspector she had ever met. "Are you a tram inspector?"
He bounced up and down twice. "No, I am not. And since you have no ticket, you'll have to leave. Cheerio!" And then he bounced away to leave her, his little green hat bobbing merrily on his pointy head.
"Weirdo." Loren thought, but just to be safe, she got up to purchase a tram ticket from the machine. However, there was already someone at the machine before her.
"Mr. Anderson, where is Morpheus?" He threatened the machine.
Normally, Loren would have let the man throw the unco-operating machine off the tram, but she really didn't want to encounter the bouncing fake inspector again.
She tapped him on his shoulder. "Sir? I can understand how you can mix up this ticket machine with Keanu Reeve's immobile face...but it really is just a machine. That dispenses tickets with the exchange of money."
He whirled around to face her, his mask twisted into a snarl. "NOTHING IS JUST A SOMETHING! SOMETHING IS ALWAYS A SOMETHING. SOMETHING NOTHING IS SOMETHINGY!"
He suddenly gasped and took a step back from her. "Y-YOU!!!" He wagged his finger in her face like a fat worm before a barracuda.
"YOU ARE THE NOTHING!"
Loren frowned. That was unnecessary, she thought. Why did he have to state the obvious? Just as she opened her mouth to retort, a man crashed through the window.
"Let me defend you, milady!" Swiftly, he reached into his clothes.
"Dude!" Loren jabbed her fingers into her eyes to prevent herself from taking in anymore than she should. "Take your hand out of...there!" She cried.
"But milady, how else can I restrain the cretin without my magical hose?" He puzzedly asked.
Through watering eyes, Loren sputtered. "Strangle him with your necktie thingy!"
"ITS NOT A THINGY. ITS A NOTHING-Y!" The agent screamed indignantly.
Loren closed her eyes, listening to the tussle going on in the tram. Some part of her brain was telling her that this all was not normal, but majority of her brain were too busy crouching in the bathroom devouring a roast chicken to pay any heed to what was going on.
When all was silent, Loren peeked open a sore eye and noticed that everyone was gone. All the silent passengers, the agent, the faux inspector, the gallant guy in his underwear. Even the ticket machine was gone. That was upsetting. The tram had come to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.
"This day is getting off to an odd start." She walked towards the doors to find another form of transport. The doors swung open and a gloved hand reached out to her.
"Gomeeee wiv meeee meh dereeeeee iv yew vanna leeeeeeveeeee..." He twitched his lips as a form of smiling.
"Wot?" Loren asked, surprised to hear a british accent escape her lips.
"AH say, come with me you little chickAHedee if you wAHnt to live for AHnuther dAHyee!" He repeated in a southern accent.
"Oro?" She anime-d back with a sweatdrop at the side of her head.
"Oh, fuck it. Just come!" He grabbed her arm and whisked her off the tram to a black hearse parked at the side of the road.
"What's with the urgency?" She managed to ask as he all but shoved her into the passenger seat. "And the kidnapping?"
"Didn't yah noticeeee?" He went around the car to the driver's seat. "Yah've beeeeen followeeeed." He jerked a thumb back at the tram.
Glancing back, Loren realized what the accent guy was referring to. The creepy guy who had been following her had been hanging onto the roof of the tram using the iron mesh on his facekerchief, and was now shaking off his dizziness while changing his outfit, before attempting to continue following her.
"But why? I'm just a simple, complicated, messed up, always in her own world, have voices in her head, girl!" Loren cried out. Someone in her head threw a shrivelled chicken bone at her.
"Don'cha knoe?" Accent man revved up the car with a whinny. "Its a tepid day."
Will Loren ever reach where she doesn't know or want to go?
Will she figure out why creepy guy is following her?
Will she figure out why things happen on a tepid day?
Does anyone even bother about it at all?
To be continued....
(All photos from style.com, Fall 2009 collections)