Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Loren: A little credit, a little tenderness

"I haven't spoken to Loren in nearly a week.  I think this is the longest self-induced avoidance I have done from her since the gchats/skype started sometime ago.  Loren, when you do come online, I am so so so so so so so sorry.  I am melancholic, dramatic, pathetic, unenthusiastic and I don't want to call you and not feel what you are saying to me.  I don't want you talking to a dead fish.  I hope you don't hate me.  Please don't hate me." --Tilly from entry, "Points Taken"

I'm going to say something here, and if you ever try to trace it back to me, I'd deny the Choo off my Jimmy that I had ever said it, but here it is.

As much affection that I harbor for Tilly, sometimes, just sometimes, the girl makes me insecure with the nonsense she puts out there when it comes to me. Its a peculiar combination of exasperation, bemusement, affection and resignation whenever she gets one of her weird worms into her brain. Not hate, not anger. I know, I should be focusing on the craziness that is Tilly, but that's like trying to hit a dartboard with a bazooka. Too easy. I would like to think that it isn't just me, who brings out the insecure chunk in her, because seriously, if after knowing me for so many years does nothing to enlighten her about my temperament, I don't know what else will. 

Maybe because I look like a person who eats hate flakes for breakfast. Maybe because I have a pinched constipated look. Maybe because I just cannot mask the "intimidating" aspect of my personality under layers of organza. Maybe that's why she thinks I can hate her so easily.

Truth is, although this might ruin my "leather chewing, biting heads off chicken heads" image, I don't hate easily. I rarely do. I don't get riled up as much as I ought to. In fact, it takes me a couple of days to work through my feelings and reach some semblance of anger. Even then it goes something like this, 

"Hey, Tilly, you know about that thing that happened a couple of days ago?"
"I think....I am irritated over it now."

As such, it makes me wonder how this reflects on Tilly's understanding of me, if she thinks that I will hate her over the fact that she needs some private time (or stronger medication, I'm not suggesting) to get all her ducks in a row. Do you know how ridiculous it sounds? To hate someone I've known/understood/loved/endured/indebted-to for so many years over the fact that she has personal problems and needs to focus on herself rather than listening to me gnash my teeth in another country?

Honestly. How deluded and selfish does she think I am?

I know that I have dedicated this post to About Me, instead of remaking on the more obvious issues that Tilly is A Nutcase, which affirms that I am extremely selfish and self-involved but hey, I don't like stating the obvious. I prefer to stand in the dusty corner where few tread to look at things. It makes me feel ssssssppppeeeecccciiiaaall.

So, Tilly, if you could lay down the cat o' nine tails long enough to think about the Loren that you do know instead of the figment-of-your-imagination-Loren, maybe you wouldn't accidentally insult my relatively placid temperament with baseless assumptions.

Give me a little credit here.
I'm fine.
We're fine, and we will continue to be fine irregardless of how many times you try to rile my temper. 
So you have one less thing to go crazy over. You are free to focus on the rest of your bananas.
Hope this made you feel better. If it didn't, hope this song does a better job than my "tough love" demeanour.

And how about the rest of you, my dear swimming-for-chum-sharks? (I was read to by Miss Flawless an article about the dozens of dangerous wildlife in Australia that could kill me. She, naturally was proud to be mentioned in the article. Twice. I jest.)  Do YOU hate me for not being on the blog for so many days? HUH?! HUH? OMG, WHAT AM I TO DO? YOU HATE ME CAUSE YOU'RE SILENT AND PROBABLY DONT HAVE YOUR OWN LIVES TO WORRY ABOUT, CAUSE ALL YOU DO IS SIT IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN REFRESHING THIS PAGE REPEATEDLY AND FEELING ANGRIER BY THE MINUTE CAUSE THERE IS NO WORD FROM ME? OOOHHH MAAAHHH GAAAAWWWDDDD...


How do I feel about that?
Try this.

Bite me.

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