Sunday, February 1, 2009

tilly: Anonymous, over 9000 strong


He shall be Anon.  To this blog.  And there are probably over 9000 strong of hims around and everywhere.

I promised Loren not to write about him.  I even said on the phone that it would be best not to talk about him and she said that she is nodding.  Best for both of us because I refuse to listen to anything she wants to ask and say about him because I don't want to hear what I already know.  And when that happens, sometimes, Loren feels bad when I cry.  So yes.

The 30 days of not seeing him or contacting him are over.  And while it may seem like it should be easier to handle, it isn't.  Like today, it is not.  He is all I want to see.  I have to constantly keep reminding myself why he cannot be in my life and why I need to be over him.

But against all that, there is just one thing that I wish would happen.  

That he would be waiting outside my apartment door when I get back from work.  Totally out of the blue.  And that his only reason was that he missed seeing me.  And since I wasn't answering any of his calls, texts and emails, he thought that showing up at my place would be the best way to corner me.

I keep wishing for that to happen.  Now wanting to say anything just in case I jinxed it or something.  But now, I know that I am safe in saying it.  In writing it in black and white.  Because I know it won't happen.  He is disappointment and unreliability all rolled into one very neat and handsome package.

In the words of the new blockbuster movie, he's just not that into you (me).

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