Saturday, February 7, 2009

Loren: With a whirl and a twirl, he dies

Despite talking/thinking/reading.watching fashion all the time, whenever someone mentions how silly fashion is, I'm not one to jump to its defense. I've seen some really silly things marked as trends, and even sillier people following them blindly, and some outrageously priced things that still manage to sell, which just does not make sense when you think about the starving models in the world. Heh. I meant, poverty stricken children, of course.

Still, moral issues aside, fashion is just another business industry. 

An industry that banks on people's restless desire to have the next new and "technologically-advanced" thing. Whether those things work, or last, is another matter altogether, but I suppose, thats why they are called fads. A flash of brilliance, that dims as soon as people realize that its more hype than fact, or when they get distracted by something else.

Which is why, when Estee Lauder first produced the TurboLash mascara (above),  that vibrates at 125 mircopulses per second, I ho-hummed, "Interesting, but definitely a fad." Even if it helped women who have weak wrists and can't apply their mascara properly, how many women would want to hold a buzzing pen like tool near their eyeball? Imagine if you dropped it, while while it was turned on, while you were wearing a white shirt. That's one way to customize your clothes Pollock style.

FYI:I actually did contemplate getting it just so I could do some funky painting.

Expecting this whole 'vibrating mascara' fad to be over soon, I was taken aback when I received an email informing me of Lancome's new mascara, OSCILLATION, that well, you guessed it, oscillates. At 7000 oscillations per minute. Near your eyeball.


So one kind of waves from side to side, while one swings back and forth tightly.

If I were a guy overhearing the last bit of that sentence, I would be duly impressed. Or intimidated by such a...mechanism.


I suppose that Lancome couldn't have named it "The Swinger" for fear of people mistaking their company for a shady dating services provider. Still, its the picture that worries me. It actually looks like its tunnelling its way towards an eye, but its probably suppose to signify the speed at which it can be applied. If I were a burglar who came across a girl using it, I'd think that she was holding a murder weapon meant to gouge out eyes. And freak out. It would make a very creative weapon of choice, wouldn't it? (reminder to self: make suggestion to producer of SAW to use an oscillating mascara stick in one of the scenes.)

So, will all this vibrating/shaking/oscillating/swinging mascara be over anytime soon? What's next, a jiggling blusher? A spinning lipstick? Don't give them ideas, Loren!
Maybe it will be over in two shakes, or at the very most, until the battery life runs out. Still, I'll stick with my 'low-tech' mascara. At the very least, I know that my eyeballs are safe, and my wrists will be getting a workout. 


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